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it's juls
01 May 2014 @ 12:28 pm
01. Personal posts are friends only from now on. And it will be mostly in italian probably :D Meme, random stuffs will be in english and the posts will be public. Graphic post are on lakecastle, and you have to join to see them.
02. If you want to be added, just leave a comment in this post, tell me why I have to add you :) under the cut you could find a list of my fandoms, just in case
03. DO NOT add me first! Please, just comment this post before do it. Or I won't take in consideration your adds
04. You're free to ask me everything you want in this posts :D


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it's juls
01 December 2013 @ 01:17 pm

HERE @lakecastle


HERE @lakecastle


HERE @lakecastle
 
 
Current Mood: blankblank
 
 
it's juls
15 October 2013 @ 08:30 pm
whoa where do is start?
it feels like I have so many things to say but I really don't know which one I should talk about first.
let's start by saying that I'm an awful lj friend because I didn't check posts or stuffs like that (I very rarely comment on other's people icon posts so..) I guess something has changed in my way of seeing the net.
Like idk it's not like it used to be.
Yeah i still watch shows (not as many as I used to), I still make icons on them but it's just like it doesn't feel the same.
Probably because I changed during these years and as much as I don't like the person I've become I guess I'm starting to get used to me.
So I just don't like tumblr anymore..I basically set my queue every week and let it go by itself. I rarely show up there if only for posting my edits..
that's not the point. the thing is: twitter is boring as well lately.
and it's weird, because i've never been bored on twitter because of the babes who are the best part of my day, but i don't think it's enough for me.
because i feel like i always need to be pet. which is great most of the times, but if it starts to become an habit it just looses every meaning.
and it doesn't matter that my person is back now, I feel like I can't talk to her about certain things (well she knows all the financial issues i have and other stuffs) but during this year(s) I really lost my view of reality..i suppose you can say it like that.
which is probably my biggest problem at the moment.
i always used internet like the place where I could be ~real, where i could tell things that other people couldn't understand (or accept of me) because I always thought internet was a big great family with people like me.
well now i'm not sure about it anymore.
and yeah i have met amazing people on the internet but most of the times i just feel like deleting all my accounts and disappear completely without ever come back.

i suppose you can say i'm not happy about how my life is working rn. (or not working)
just give me the 'youtried.jpg' star and i'll leave.
i'm so tired of people judging me because i couldn't get one thing, or i didn't do another thing or i just don't have a boyfriend, or a job or idk it seems to me that people only try to pick it on me. especially my parents.
now i love my family so much, which is one of the reasons why i never actually wanted to go away from home (no matter how much i don't feel this town like my home. but actually my home is where my family is. or it was.) but lately (and for lately i mean like the past year..or the past 2 years probably) whenever we're having dinner i just wish i was on another planet.
my parents have started fighting again (for the financial issues we have) and i'm not much of an help on this because ehi i'm still in uni which means: taxes. lots of taxes. like more than 2000€ over year and we just can't afford them. plus there's the rent, which is really high considering the house we live in, the bills and well you just have to eat right? so basically at the end of the month we end up with nothing.
and i gave up on so many things during the past 8 years (yeah because these financial issues have been there for a very long time thanks to my dad -.-) i guess you could say i don't really needed the things i gave up on right? not really true. because i actually gave up to one of my biggest passions which is going to the cinema, just because i couldn't afford the ticket. (and i just ended up watching movies only when it was strictly necessary to me: like CAN I WATCH A MOVIE WITH HENRY CAVILL IN A FUCKING CINEMA RIGHT?)
no matter how much money i saved i don't have enough to do the things i want to, mainly because my mom always ends up paying the bills with the few money i have left in my fortune wallet.
and well in my town every single shop is closing on they're about to and there's no work (not for even the ones with a degree so they are certainly not giving one to me) plus Italy really did such an amazing work with new job places /sarcasm.
So i basically end up crying in my bed during the night and i only beg for attention on every social network on the internet. which is why i need to let everything go. at least for a bit.
i don't like being like this..like an attention whore. because i knew such people back when i was a teen, and i didn't like them..actually i tended to despise them. but ehi apparently the only thing i'm good at is complaining about how my life is not doing anything special for me and about how i am unable to get the things i want.
so yeah i guess i'm an attention whore after all.
the weird (and scary thing) is that i've been thinking a lot about suicide, and i haven't been thinking it since my "brother" died 15 years ago. he wasn't really my brother, but it was the closest thing to an older brother that i have ever had so it was a shock..because he was like ~family to me. i didn't come out from my room for 3 days, and i ended up with a razor blade on my wrist looking at the mirror wondering if that could help me cleaning away the pain.
i guess i was much more mature then, because i basically threw the razor blade away and faced the reality of things: that i would have never seen him anymore, and that i had to move on. which actually was the easiest part, it saddens me to realize that i don't even remember his face anymore. but i suppose he would have want me to keep going, to keep living.
and i'm hardly doing that right now.
because this thing that i have, it's not living for me.
it's not enough.
and yes i've been thinking of taking the first train that will lead me to nowhere but then what?
i have no skills whatsoever, apparently i'm not ambitious as i let people think and this is the biggest problem: that i always wear a mask, because it makes me feel safe.
i suppose it's normal for a teenager..it's not that normal for a girl who's soon hitting her 30s. but that's the whole point: i never got to spend my teenage days like a normal teenager. i was more mature than most of my girlfriends back then, because i used the brain instead of the body and because i didn't want to have sordid relationships with people who didn't care about me at all (that's probably the main reason why i never had a boyfriend in the first place. because i'm really fussy and i mean it's normal for me but apparently it's not normal for other people who keep judging my virginity like it is plague.) and because i tended to put other people first instead of me.
No matter how hard I try to be selfish, it doesn't work with me.
No matter how many times I get hurt, i'll still be there for you.
which is why i am alone now.
because i'm not enough for anyone and i just want that.
to be good for someone, to be someone's first choice for once in my life. not to be left behind, i got plenty of that already.
That's why i like the people i met online because they don't judge me for my decisions, and they're there when i need them but i don't want to bother anyone so i tend to keep all for myself most of the times until..well until i can't take it any longer.

and this post won't probably help but I needed to write it, even if it means i won't be around the net for a bit.
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
 
 
it's juls
01 September 2013 @ 03:08 pm
hiiiiiiii guys :D did you miss me?
i actually did, i mean i kinda missed the whole wifi thing but i have a smartphone now (yahooo!) so i was able to be on twitter a bit more but anyway let me ~explain my summer.

+ okay so first i did my internship. and it was really good! because i had such a gr9t time! i was a bit sad when it was over but ehi 150 hours (without even being payed!) that was enough lol
now i just have to write an essay on it (and i don't even know where to start tbqh) and deliver it to my professor in less than 2 weeks.
i have to say i'm happy but at the same time i still don't know what to do with this whole university thing ugh i really want to try and work a bit this year (just to help my family with the financial issues we have) but you know how lazy i am, in the end i won't do anything at all /uff

++ i missed making icons. more than i can say. i didn't really miss blogging on tumblr, i feel it's slowly changing for me the whole tumblr thing but using ps was a big part of my routine and idk i need to you know catch up on a lot of things and STUDYING as well. I really want university to be my priority this time. yeah i said ~this time, because i know i said that last year (and the year before) but this time i really need to finish this goddamn journey i started!
i'm going to upload a couple of icons i made during summer but they're not so great (i just cropped them and put random colorings on them lol)



+++ how was your summer guys? ;) i hope it was good and you enjoyed it!
 
 
Current Mood: giddygiddy